these days, it kinda feels like everyone's in this huge, collective, post-ironic fog. everything is hidden under layer upon layer of irony, and expressing yourself in any genuine way is almost like stepping out of line. this isn't me bemoaning how bad "kids today" are, because i'm just as guilty of it as anyone else. nothing matters but your ability to conceal your emotions and lessen the burden on those around you. it's a very unfortunate mindset, it keeps you isolated in your thoughts and hinders any attempts at making a real connection to others. worse yet, as you stay isolated like this, you gradually develop a warped perspective that only worsens the more you isolate.
like i said, i'm not exactly innocent here either. i feel very uncomfortable expressing any genuine sentiment, good or bad. this unfortunately usually manifests with my frustration building and me eventually snapping at a friend. it's all really unpleasant but it's familiar. the evil you know is more comforting than the unknown and all that. there's nothing wrong with taking life lightly, but it's when you're unable to ground yourself and take situations seriously that it becomes a problem. i find myself wondering where i really "go" from here. i try to chill myself out if i'm ever getting heated over something, which is great, but that's still not addressing the larger issue. that being the inability to express myself in any meaningful way.
though, i suppose this is a pretty good first step.
july 26 2021, dymphna